


A Tail of Two Kitties

by RomanoffonamoR



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Also everyone has a potty mouth in this fic, F/F, Maria and Natasha become feline shifters, Mature rating for references to sex and bdsm and stds, Multi, Referenced threesome with an unnamed female asgardian, This story is humor and fluff but will also have angst down the line, Tony Stark Has No Filter, Werecats, shifter fic, so more tags will be added as we go, this fic will be a collection of drabbles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 13:35:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11898828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanoffonamoR/pseuds/RomanoffonamoR
Summary: After the Avengers return home from a visit to Asgard, girlfriends Maria and Natasha find out they've been infected with a virus that turns them into feline shifters.*****The first chapter introduces the story's premise. Subsequent chapters will be in drabble format, based on prompted words or ideas.I am currently open for prompts!





	A Tail of Two Kitties

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iskeirim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iskeirim/gifts).



> This is entirely Iskeirim's fault.

‘Let’s go to Asgard’ they said. ‘It’ll be fun’, they said. If any of her fellow teammates were stupid enough to get within her reach right now, Natasha would show them exactly how _fun_ she thought her current predicament was.

She was a cat. No, not a cat. A Margay. Which was basically a wild cat no one had ever heard of because it was _stupid_. All of this was stupid. She was a two foot long, eight and a half pound nearly extinct wild cat because _someone_ had the bright idea to go to Asgard!

“Mrrrrrreeeeeooooow!” she hissed as the hand of that someone came towards her. She had been aiming for ‘If you fucking touch me Stark I’ll rip your eyes out and bury them’, but since she was a god damn cat she couldn’t do much more than howl and hiss and spit at everyone and everything.

Fuck Thor. And fuck Asgard. And fuck Stark for the kitty litter comment, because hell would need to freeze over before she shit in a litter box. She’d use his bed, or his shoes before she stooped that low.

“Easy, Tash, we’re not going to hurt you.”

“MREEOOOWW! HSSSSSSS” Natasha leapt back whilst simultaneously swiping at Clint. And fuck Barton with his stupid smirk and his stupid ‘ _here kitty kitty_ ’ noises. Fuck all of this shit. Fucking fuck fuck!

“Hey guys, I got the red alert, what did I-“

“Steve no!”

“Shut the door!”

“Tasha don’t!”

“Romanoff, stay!”

Nope. Romanoff was not staying. Romanoff was outies!

Scrambling from her current corner Natasha bolted between her dumbstruck teammate’s legs and burst out of the lab and into the hall. Her heart was racing as everything seemed much too loud and much too bright, but she wasn’t going to stick around and let her _supposed_ friends see her like this.

Hell no. She may have been a cat, but she had some fucking dignity god damnit. She’d just look for the first large, flat object she could find and she’d hide under it. Because this was all a joke, right? Just a bad dream? If she could just find something to hide under and wait it out then everything would-

“What the hell?”

And suddenly Natasha was airborne, a set of hands wrapped around her stomach, yanking her off of her feet. She flailed helplessly, snarling and hissing, intent on disemboweling whoever had had the audacity to grab her.

“Who the hell let a cat in here?”

Wait. She knew that voice.

“Easy kitty, I’m not going to hurt you.”

Struggling in her captor’s grasp, Natasha twisted and writhed until she was brought up against a warm chest and held there. She knew that warm chest.

“Mreeoww!” she exclaimed, which was definitely cat speak for ‘Maria!’

“Shhhh, it’s okay kitty, I’ve got you. I don’t know how you got in here but I’ll make sure you get back where you belong.”

And then they were walking towards her bedroom and Natasha could have cried, if cats had the ability to cry. Maria would make this better. Maria would figure out why she was suddenly a cat. Maria wouldn’t make her shit in a litter box.

It took a few minutes but eventually they were in the safety and security of their shared bedroom.

“There we go, I’m going to put you down now.”

Natasha didn’t want to be put down and inserted her claws into Maria’s chest and neck in protest. At the woman’s yelps she began rubbing her face against the areas she’d just carved, using her sandpaper tongue to hopefully sweeten the deal.

It didn’t work and Natasha was airborne again, falling this time onto the bed as Maria began cursing and rubbing at her wounds.

“The fuck is wrong with you cat!?”

The fuck was wrong with her? _The fuck was wrong with her!?_ Natasha would tell her _exactly_ what the fuck was wrong with her!

“MREEEOOOWWWW HSSSSSSSSSS MREEOW! HSSSSSSS HHHSSSSSSSS MRRRRRREEEOW!!!” Which roughly translated to ‘fuck you Maria! Fuck you and the helicarrier you rode in on!’, but in Russian.

“Sure, whatever you say, cat.”

Natasha snarled at Maria, not enjoying the woman’s snark in the least. Normally her girlfriend’s sense of wit was something Natasha adored, but not when it was turned against her! Not when she was a cat and couldn’t properly snark back!

“HSSSSSSSS MRRRRRR!”

“And a ‘Hiss Murr’ to you too.”

Well fuck this shit with a spiked metal dildo. Natasha glared daggers at Maria as she hopped off the bed and crawled beneath it, going now with her original plan. She managed to get halfway to the headboard when there was a staticky _crackle_ and _pop,_ not unlike the noise she’d heard when she’d originally been turned into-

"Ow fucking shit!” Natasha exclaimed, the top of her head slamming against the underside of the bed as her body rapidly resized itself from cat to human.

“Natasha?! What the fuck?!”

Natasha growled, or rather, grumbled under her breath as her lover’s face appeared at eye level, the woman having knelt on the floor next to the bed. “‘And a ‘Hiss Murr’ to you too?’ The fuck, Maria!?”

“What the hell Nat? Were you down there this whole time?” Maria answered back, reaching a hand under the bed to try and help her lover out from beneath it. “Also, why are you naked? Is this some kind of kink thing? Because I don’t remember filling out any checklists involving cats and hiding under beds.”

Natasha ignored the offered hand, managing to emerge from beneath the bed on her own. She stood up carefully, her body protesting in every way possible her sudden shift in size and posture. She fucking _hurt_.

“Har har. Look at me, I’m Maria Hill, and I make bad bdsm jokes while my lover is going through a traumatic, out of body experience,” She snarked back, finally.

“Traumatic out of body what?” Maria narrowed her eyes at the woman. Stepping into her girlfriend’s space she helped move her to sit down on the bed. “Are you still hungover from last night? Because I distinctly remember you referencing at least a dozen times your Russian heritage and therefor your inability to get wasted. Was Asgardian liquor too much for you? Because I kind of had a bet going with Clint about that…”

“You wound me, Hill. Truly,” Natasha pulled away from her lover and curled up on the bed, only to immediately uncurl and instead sit there like a god damn human being. “Are you gonna get me some clothes or just keep staring at me? Because I don’t remember filling out any exhibitionist checklists.”

“Touché,” Maria bowed her head and moved off to the dresser, pulling some things out for her girlfriend. “So are you going to tell me what the hell is going on? Because there was definitely a cat in here and I didn’t see it when I looked under-“

_CRACKLE_

_POP_

“Holy shit!!”

“MRRRRREEEOOOOOOOW!!”

*****

Maria held protectively to her lover, turned cat, as the Avenger's resident doctor poked and prodded her. Natasha had  _not_  been thrilled with returning to the labs, but since she was a cat Maria had insisted she not be given a vote on the matter. 

Besides, as partially hungover as she herself was, Maria was pretty certain this wasn't something she could diagnose, let alone treat without Banner and Thor, and god forbid, possibly Stark.

“So you're sure she didn't eat anything strange last night at the feast? No kibble or questionable looking paté or anything like that?”

Maria glared murderously at Stark. “Nothing that you or I didn't also eat. And I was with her all night, I'd have seen if she ate anything suspicious.”

“Oh yeah, about that. Where  _did_  you two sneak off to after dinner? I may have been a little drunk but I _do_ recall the two of you giggling like Japanese school girls and then disappearing along with a kawaii Amazonian woman. Anything you wish to share with the class?” Stark asked, a knowing smirk on his face.

Maria frowned in response. She had honestly thought everyone was too drunk at that point to see her and Nat run off with the attractive and extremely tall Asgardian, but hell if she was going to dignify his insinuations with an answer either way.

“Actually, Lady Maria, what Stark asks is of some importance. I too recall seeing the Asgardian you and Lady Natasha were conversing with all evening. She is of some, I'm not sure if this is the correct word, renown?” Thor piped up, having finally been roused from his own post feast hangover in order to join them.

“Renown huh? Did Romanoff and Hill hook up with the Asgardian town whore last night?” Stark asked, obvious bemusement in his voice. 

If Maria had claws in that moment she would have flexed them threateningly at him. Instead she settled for simply flipping him off.

Thor looked apologetic at Stark’s crass terminology, but didn't counter his claim. “She is well known amongst our people to carry certain.... ailments.... One, I believe, resembles what Lady Natasha is currently suffering from.”

"Oh my god, no way. No friggen way! Are you telling me The Black Widow caught herself an Asgardian STD? Haha!”

Maria would have lambasted on behalf of Natasha but the cat was suddenly out of her arms and leaping through the air, landing on Stark with her razor sharp claws extended.

“MRRREOWW HSSSSS HSSSSSS! HSSSSSSSSS MREEEEEEEEEOW MRRRRRRRRRR HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!”

“Holy shit! Someone get Typhoid Mary off of me before she infects me too!” Stark flailed his arms, hopping around the room in an effort to dislodge the cat. Natasha didn't seem inclined to let go and no one made any motion to help remove her. 

“You are quite safe Stark. The virus, or STD as you’ve referred to it, is only contagious while in humanoid form. And even then, can only be transmitted through the intimate exchange of-“

“Yes, alright, we know what an STD is Thor, please stop now,” Maria interrupted, feeling overwhelmed and like she might pass out. Natasha hadn’t been the only one to ‘climb the disease-ridden tree’ last night, so to speak.

Stark paused in his efforts to surgically remove the feline from his body in order to stare at Maria. And then it was like a lightbulb went off over his head and he began laughing hysterically. “The only thing that would make this situation funnier is if ‘Hard Ass, No Fun Allowed’ Hill caught herself the ‘Pussy Disease’ too!”

“Tony, I’d stop right about now,” Clint warned, taking a step back, almost as if he were worried Maria would suddenly transform into something much more ferocious and lethal than an itty bitty Margay.

Maria didn’t want to turn into a cat, but in that moment wouldn’t have minded the ability to hold five knives in her hand instead of just one. She was definitely going to _cut_ Stark if he didn’t shut his pie hole in the next five seconds.

“Holy shit, did she just pull a knife out of her yoga pants? You SHIELD women are psycho, you know that, right?”

In the end Maria didn’t have to cut anybody because Natasha took that moment to bite Stark swiftly on the neck. Tony screamed and batted more forcefully at the cat, finally knocking the feline - his teammate - to the floor. He continued to shout obscenities as he grabbed at his bleeding neck wound.

Maria watched as her lover landed easily on her feet before she crept back over, leaping up and landing into her arms again. She had to drop the knife or risk stabbing her girlfriend, but that was fine. Natasha had just proven herself a better weapon against Stark’s mouth anyhow.

Ignoring the man’s continued vocal lamentations, Maria returned her attention to Thor. “There’s a cure for this, right? And if Banner can’t make it here himself, you can just go back home and get it?” she asked as she cradled Nat against her chest, absently stroking the cat’s fur as she stared down the Asgardian.

“Um, hello? Is anyone going to address the fact that one of my teammates just tried to vampire me?” Tony interjected, rummaging loudly through the medical supplies in his pursuit of some gauze and tape.

“No.”

“Nope.”

“I didn’t see a thing.”

“Ha, ha… You know what? Screw you Natasha. I was going to build you the _coolest_ cat tower but nope, not after this. Nuh uh. You can make do with the shitty store bought kind.”

Maria tightened her grip on the cat in her arms as she felt her tense, as if ready to attack again. “Shut up Stark. The adults are talking here.” Maria tuned the man’s rantings out as she continued to stare down Thor, still waiting for his answer to her question.

He had one, but not the one she wanted to hear.

“I’m afraid there’s no known cure, Lady Maria. If I had known about Lady Natasha’s and your proclivities, I would have warned you both in advance who to stay away from. It truly pains me to say this, but I’m afraid the best I can offer you both is to help assist you in learning to control the side effects of the virus.”

Well fuck.

Maria felt herself falling, and had a moment of pure panic that she was turning into a cat, but no. No, she was just ordinary fainting from shock. Luckily Clint had been close enough and managed to catch her before she could fall flat on her face in front of everyone.

“Woah, easy now, I’ve got you,” the man reassured, helping to lower her safely to a seated position on the floor.

“Maybe we should give Romanoff and Hill some privacy, let them come to terms with all of this without an audience?” Bruce suggested and Maria could have kissed him. Her head was fuzzy and the cat still in her arms was pawing at her chest as if trying to get her attention back. She raised a hand and began stroking her girlfriend’s head.

“But this is _my_ lab!” Tony protested meekly, his neck now taped up with enough gauze to pack a bullet wound.

“Move it Stark,” Clint nudged the man towards the door, and Maria could have kissed him too.

Finally they were alone, just her and her girlfriend, slash Margay. Looking down at the wild cat, Maria leaned in and placed a kiss to the top of it’s head. “Well, Nat, this kinda fucking sucks.”

“Mreeeeoowww,” Natasha responded, rubbing her kitty cheek against her girlfriend’s human one.

Maria couldn’t help but smile and nuzzled back. She didn’t need to speak cat to know that Natasha wholeheartedly agreed.


End file.
